Survival-free
Relationships
The Survival-free Relationships Guide
Itās free.
The guide explores how ST:AR applies to:
romantic relationships
attachment styles
partner selection
roles and identities
performance relationships
family systems
relationship matrices
systemic mimicry
recovery and relational destabilization
thriving relationships
It gives you the conceptual foundation for understanding what may actually be organizing the relationships in your life.
š§Survival-free Relationships builds directly on the ST:AR Model and is not designed as a stand-alone guide.
Be sure to read the Leaving Survival Mode Field Guide so you are familiar with the seven Thrive and Survive States and the basic ST:AR practice.
This volume takes that foundation and applies it specifically to relationships.
Bring ST:AR into the relationships that matter most.
Some relationships look stable on the outside while Survival quietly organizes what is underneath.
Others are already painful, volatile, exhausting, disconnected, confusing, or close to breaking.
You may be dealing with:
repeated conflict
emotional instability
resentment
shutdown or withdrawal
controlling patterns
dependency
loss of trust
role pressure
burnout
constant repair
fear of losing the relationship
one person changing while the other resists
a relationship that no longer feels like what it once was
ST looks underneath the visible problem.
The question is not only:
"How do we communicate better?"
Or:
"How do we stop fighting?"
Or:
"How do we save this relationship?"
The deeper question is:
What Survival States are organizing what is happening between us?
Roles can hide Fragmentation.
Need can become Scarcity.
Attachment styles drive avoidance or chasing.
Stories can become Delusion.
Expectations can become Control.
Change can trigger Resistance.
The future can narrow into Limited Horizon.
And the relationship itself can become Closed to anything new.
Sometimes those patterns create obvious instability.
Sometimes they create a relationship that appears stable because both people keep performing what the system depends on.
Either way, the visible relationship is only the surface.
Want help applying the guide?
Join the guided practice add-on.
Available only to current participants in the Core Guided Practice.
You receive:
two live 45-minute Survival-free Relationships sessions aligned with your Guided Practice schedule
focused application of ST:AR to a current or important relationship
support identifying roles, Survival States, performances, mimics, and relational patterns
integration with the ST:AR work you are already doing
access to exclusive materials
There is no separate program to manage.
No new framework to learn.
It is the same ST:AR work applied directly to relationships.
Participate on your own or with someone important to you, such as a spouse, partner, parent, adult child, sibling, family member, or friend. You can participate individually or together.
One membership includes participation for up to two people.
They do not need to live in the same household.
Sessions are held the second and fourth Sundays of every month from 6:00 pm-6:45 pm MDT on Zoom.
Guided Practice is beginning in a small-format setting. Early sessions may be one-on-one or very small group experiences as the practice community grows. This allows for a slower, more personal environment while the rhythm of the membership develops.
Safety note: The practice is educational, not counseling or therapy, and is not designed for crisis, acute danger, or situations where trauma overwhelms present-moment self-regulation. Those situations call for appropriate professional support.
Survival-free Relationships sessions are about looking underneath the visible.
We explore:
Which Survival States are organizing the relationship?
What roles have become identities?
How are attachment styles affecting the relationship?
Where has Scarcity become dependency?
Where has Delusion replaced reality with story?
Where is Control trying to preserve an old relationship structure?
What performances are keeping the system stable?
What happens when one person changes?
What does Respect require now?
What would greater Wholeness look like?
Is the relationship capable of Becoming?
What new relationship, if any, can actually emerge?
The work stays grounded in the same ST:AR States you are already learning in Guided Practice.
Guided Practice Schedule
Sessions are held the second and fourth Sundays of every month from 6:00 pm-6:45 pm MDT on Zoom.
Thereās no "right" place to begin. Jump in on the next session!
Schedule is subject to change.
This is not couples therapy
Survival-free Relationships is a group guided application of the ST:AR Model.
It is not psychotherapy.
It is not diagnosis.
It is not mediation.
It is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment, domestic violence support, legal counsel, or other specialized services when those are needed.
The purpose is narrower:
Recognize the Survival organization operating in your relationships and apply ST:AR more clearly to what is actually happening.
Note that these are group sessions.
You can work on a relationship even if the other person is not participating
The work can begin with your side of the system.
As survival states begin releasing, the relationship may reorganize.
Or it may not.
ST:AR does not promise a particular relational outcome.
This practice will support you in staying organized around the seven Thrive States.
Not because it will change the other person.
But because those states always represent the healthiest way for you to participate in the relationship and what it is able to be, regardless of what the other person chooses.
Start Anywhere.
Continue as Long as It Helps.
Survival-free Relationships follows the same 7-month, 14-session cycle as Core Guided Practice.
There is no single ārightā place to begin.
The work is organized around the ST:AR States, so you can join at any point in the cycle and begin with whatever is most active in your relationship now.
You do not need to wait for a new cohort.
You do not need to start with Session 1.
You do not need to have everything figured out first.
The practice meets the relationship where it is.
As the cycle continues, different states, patterns, roles, and dynamics come into focus.
And because relationships are layered, many people may choose to repeat the cycle.
A second or third pass is not repetition in the usual sense.
You are bringing a different level of awareness, a different relationship context, and a more integrated understanding of the States each time.
Join anywhere. Move through the full cycle. Repeat when deeper learning or integration would be useful.
Attachment Styles Matter.
They are Not the Whole Relationship.
Attachment patterns can create enormous pain in relationships.
One person pursues.
Another withdraws.
One needs reassurance.
Another needs distance.
Both can feel misunderstood, rejected, trapped, or unsafe.
Survival-free Relationships takes attachment seriously, but ST:AR does not treat attachment style as the whole explanation.
Attachment is one part of a much larger relational system.
The relationship may also be organized by:
Fragmentation and Scarcity
roles and identities
expectations and performance
Delusion and Control
resentment and distrust
family patterns
systemic mimicry
changing life circumstances
the shared relational field itself
So we explore attachment directly, but we keep going underneath it.
The goal is not simply to manage an attachment style.
It is to recognize the broader Survival organization that keeps producing suffering in the relationship, and allow a different way of relating to emerge.
Designed around:
measured integration
spaciousness
slower pacing
calm cadence
gentle repetition
non-urgency
low-pressure participation
permission to slow down
reflection and recognition
returning instead of chasing
clarity instead of optimization
practical real-life application
Not built around:
urgency
pressure
FOMO
overload
endless engagement
productivity culture
emotional intensity
performative growth
constant self-improvement
pressure to keep up
forced vulnerability
Participation Is Through Guided Chat Discussion
There is no expectation to speak, share, or appear on camera.
Guided sessions are intentionally designed around live text discussion rather than participant cameras or microphones.
This creates a calm, low-pressure environment where you can focus on learning, reflection, and personal growth without feeling like you're on stage.
The only person on camera is the session guide. Participants can ask questions, share insights, and interact throughout each session using the chat.
You're welcome to participate as much or as little as you'd like.
Some people actively engage in the discussion, while others prefer to observe, reflect, and recognize their own patterns as the session unfolds and both are valuable ways to learn.
The goal is to create a space that feels safe, thoughtful, practical, and welcoming so you can focus on the work of moving from survival toward thriving.
Participate on your own or with someone important to you, such as a spouse, partner, parent, adult child, sibling, family member, or friend. You can participate individually or together.
One membership includes participation for up to two people.
They do not need to live in the same household.
Sessions are held the second and fourth Sundays of every month from 6:00 pm-6:45 pm MDT on Zoom.
Guided Practice is beginning in a small-format setting. Early sessions may be one-on-one or very small group experiences as the practice community grows. This allows for a slower, more personal environment while the rhythm of the membership develops.
Safety note: The practice is educational, not counseling or therapy, and is not designed for crisis, acute danger, or situations where trauma overwhelms present-moment self-regulation. Those situations call for appropriate professional support.
Hi, Iām Sam.
I look forward to exploring your relationships with you, making sense of the patterns that may be creating struggle or disconnection, and seeing what becomes possible as Survival begins to release and new ways of relating can emerge.
Frequently Asked Questions
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No. Survival-free Relationships is a guided application of the ST:AR Model to relationships. It is not psychotherapy, couples counseling, diagnosis, mediation, or a substitute for specialized professional care when that is needed.
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No. You can work on your side of a relationship even if the other person is not involved. If both people are participating, the sessions can explore the shared relationship field as well as the states each person brings into it.
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Yes. Attachment can drive a great deal of relationship suffering, and we may explore anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment patterns directly. But attachment is only one part of the larger relationship system. We also look at states, roles, identities, expectations, performance, control, scarcity, stories, change, and the shared relational field.
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Any important relationship. Romantic partners, marriage, family, adult children, friendships, faith relationships, work relationships, or other relationships where Survival patterns may be active.
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You do not need to have a stable relationship to begin. Many people seek help because the relationship is already painful, volatile, disconnected, controlling, exhausting, or close to ending. We begin with what is actually happening now.
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The practice is not designed to make that decision for you. ST:AR focuses on seeing the relationship more clearly, recognizing what is organizing it, and reducing Survival so your own decisions can emerge from a clearer place.
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Yes. You do not need to understand the whole model before joining. Guided Practice is designed to help you learn by returning to the States through simple, repeated practice.
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No. Survival-free Relationships follows the same 7-month, 14-session cycle as Core Guided Practice, but there is no single right place to begin. You can join at any point and start with the State pair currently being explored.
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Yes. Relationships are layered, and the same States can reveal different things as circumstances change and your understanding deepens. You can repeat the cycle for deeper learning, application, and integration.
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Survival-free Relationships is an add-on to Core Guided Practice. The sessions sync with the same 7-month, 14-session schedule, so you are exploring the same framework from both an individual and relational perspective.
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A thriving relationship is not a perfect or conflict-free relationship. It is one increasingly organized around Wholeness, Content, Fluidity, Clarity, Respect, Becoming, and Co-Creating rather than Fragmentation, Scarcity, Resistance, Delusion, Control, Limited Horizon, and Closed patterns.
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Yes.
Memberships can be canceled anytime.